Essay on the 2004 Question 3
**Note- It didn't include the graders' comments or score so I couldn't consider that.
The first essay is very fascinating! The student analyzes the novel Candide and what its central question is. The introductory sentences are really good and do a great job of framing the essay and setting the mood for the reader. It's so good that one almost doesn't notice that they neglected to include the author or mention the effect that the author's treatment of the question has on the reader (as indicated in the prompt). The student does too much summarizing in the body paragraphs, and the summaries are confusing for someone who has never read the novel, but then it is tied up startlingly well at the end! The concluding paragraph is very tidy, complete, and logical. Interestingly, the student brings in a second piece of lit, a poem by Gibrar, which seems unusual and is possibly not allowed, but it actually is worked in very well and smoothly. This is an excellent essay that answers the question, but it's not perfect because the body paragraphs lack substance.
The second essay covers The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. This is also a really well done essay. The student made a lot of scribbles over their mistakes which was kind of annoying, but it was still fairly readable. The language and syntax was a lot simpler in this one but the arguments were better crafted than the previous essay. Each paragraph makes sense and builds towards the thesis, albeit with unimpressive language skills. This essay surely warrants a decent score, maybe an 8.
The third essay discusses the novel Things Fall Apart. There seems to be an intro paragraph and then another intro paragraph which contains the thesis. This is a poor structure, and the thesis itself is weak. Based on the students' description of the story, the central question they identify doesn't seem to fit with the novel. There are also a lot of grammatical issues and the student writes out pluses like "+" in place of the word "and," which is poor form on the exam. The unfitting thesis, illogical structure, and frequent, annoying errors certainly mean a low score for this essay. It would probably get a 3 or 4, based on the grading rubric.
Hi Mary,
ReplyDeleteI wrote one of my previous open prompts on this one. For this one for some reason the graders comments and score where in another doc. I like that for the second and third essays you included what you thought the essays should have gotten as scores; I think you should do that for the first essay too. Your analysis of the essays is very through. You point out what was done well and what will missing/needed to be improved on. I think you could have expanded a little more on your critique of the second essay though. Also just a side note, we’re supposed have each critique be 150-250 words; I think the last two were a bit short. Good job thought overall!
Mary,
ReplyDeleteThis was a pretty good post overall and your analyses were interesting to read. Your first analysis I think was your best, you did a good job going in and picking apart the essay, identifying the strengths and weaknesses. I agree with what you said about the Gibrar poem, I’m a bit confused as to why it is in there, though it seems to fit well. The analysis of the second essay was good, but I wish you had really dissected it like you did in the first essay. Like your second analysis, I wish you had picked apart the third essay a little more. I liked how you said what you thought the second and third essays should have gotten, but I wish you had rated the first essay. I’m interested to see how the first and second essays would rank according to you as one had the better writing and language while the other has stronger arguments. Overall this was a really good post, I think the only thing I would ask for would be for the prompt to be here in your blog, but that’s really the only problem I had here. Great job.
Mary,
ReplyDeleteI reviewed these essays a few posts back and I believe I had similar reactions to yours. (Except I tend to be more scathing with my responses) The only advice I could offer you would be to add some more textual evidence to support your assertions. Being that sometime peer reviewers don't bother to look at the initial essays you critiqued, adding quotes can help in the overall understanding of your points. Your first response was certainly your best, being that you went the most in depth with it. You third, though a bit short, certainly made excellent statements regarding the absurd disorder and lack of quality of the piece. Overall you did well and clearly knew what to look for in your essays, but your critiques would be even better if they included more of your thoughts and specific passages that the student wrote. Longer is typically better with these posts, after all.