Sunday, September 22, 2013
Open Prompt Responses #1
My Response to Their Responses to an Open Prompt about the function of a foil and how it illuminates meaning.
The first essay discusses The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan.The thesis is not very clear, but it does establish which characters are foils and why. The first body paragraph just starts summarizing the book's plot!
2nd essay! There is way too much "tour guiding" than is necessary, and the comparisons are spread out this way. The essayist is trying to argue that the foil between the two main characters "illuminates the meaning" of the work, and actually ties it together better than I thought they would. But then the conclusion paragraph just repeated everything word for word, which got kind of boring. Maybe the author was trying to fill up more space, but the essay turned out very long and in this case I'd say less is more. The writer should have been a bit more concise. Even so, overall it was a good essay, because it explained the message of the book well as being about personal strength and self-worth, and discussing foils. The graders gave it an 8 and actually comment that the length is good because it gives "room for interpretation," so maybe it's a matter of opinion. Or I was just wrong, since the AP graders are like the ultimate authority on student essays...
The second essay is about The Color Purple, but the student forgot to mention the author's name (or didn't know it.) Also, the name of the main character, Celie, is always written in lower case ("celie"), and that is wrong... Sadly, this essay does not address foils at all until the very end paragraph, where it is used very weakly. Even the opening paragraph serves only to summarize the book, and it seems clear that the student doesn't know how to construct these argument-driven essays. The graders gave this a 6, which seemed higher than it deserves to me, because they say the student analyzes the meaning of the play (females being oppressed by men) very well, but doesn't analyze the foil concept well. It seems to me that writing clearly and simply with a basic outline is the best, as this essay seems written "on-the-fly" and lacks structure.
3rd essay!! The student is writing about The Kite Runner, and again the author was not mentioned. This isn't good. There is no thesis; the first paragraph consists of a spoiler alert and a nice "Baba is a foil to Hassan in many ways." The student discusses the traits of the characters with examples from the story, like how Hassan stands up for others and is selfless. But then, the student starts comparing and contrasting three key characters! Just laying out similarities and differences without regard to foil or significance! Towards the end there is this nice little statement about how Hassan and Baba contrast each other, but there is no mention of foil still. The conclusion suggests that the meaning is friendship and loyalty because that is something both Baba and Hassan share. That is not using foil to show meaning! It also was not argued through the essay... The graders describe this essay as "thin" and "vague" which seems fitting. It was given a 4.
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For the first essay, if the student received an 8 out of 9, they must have done a pretty good job. I see what you mean about how it would have been better if the student didn’t save their analysis for the end, but I guess that’s an acceptable way to structure an essay in this setting. It is probably also a better test-taking strategy to analyze as you go, because by the end you’re more likely to run out of time and not fully develop your argument. At least if you write an analysis within each paragraph, it won’t be so much of a load to save until the end. It seems like the writer of the second essay was so focused on memorizing quotes that they didn’t think of any of the other elements to the analysis of an essay (like DIDLS, as mentioned). The third writer of the essay seems to have the same problem, only worse. They used quotes and pompous writing with no real substance.
ReplyDeleteI can understand not using quotes in an AP essay more than I can understand using nothing but quotes. Quotes are kind of risky business. It seems like they could really mess things up if they're used incorrectly, but if used the right way they can add a lot and make you seem more knowledgeable about the text. I think you have to find a balance between the two - maybe use a few quotes to support your argument but, have some other elements of DIDLS to back you up. The third essay sounds exactly like what "Nuts and Bolts" was warning us about. It's useless to try to use fancy language to make you sound smart. The AP readers can definitely see through that act.
ReplyDeleteFor the first essay I agree that there being a tour guide, that is never a good plan when the prompt is asking to analyze (which is will be) because if you don't answer the prompt than you automatically get a four. I think the reason that the AP graders gave the second response a five because they didn't really discuss the meaning of all the details put together and in class Ms.Holmes specifically said that the meaning is implied because that's what analyze actually means. For the third essay I do not think you are too harsh. On the first essay that I analyzed for my blog post I thought the exact same thing because the student tried to hide that they didn't know anything with big language. The student even made up words to try to sound smarter than they were so I completely understand your frustration.
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